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  Most Embarassing Situation Ever [Joke]
Posted by: funchit - 01-12-2010, 07:01 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

This could happen to you.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other toilet saying:
'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
'Doin' just fine!'

And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
'No..I'm a little busy right now!!!'

Then I hear the person say nervously...

'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other toilet who keeps answering all my questions.'
Big Grin

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  ~~~Male Assertiveness~~~
Posted by: zahid1981 - 01-07-2010, 07:40 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (10)

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

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"The funeral director," said his wife.

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  Two Ladies Talking in Heaven [Joke]
Posted by: funchit - 01-06-2010, 01:47 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (3)

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.


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  Chinese Call Centre [Joke]
Posted by: funchit - 01-06-2010, 01:31 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident.
Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now , Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter!
You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Oh .......God!! ! !

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Tongue Wife & Husband....
Posted by: zahid1981 - 01-06-2010, 06:47 AM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (2)

Wife shoping kar k ghar aai to Husband ne darwaza khola,

Wife: ye dabba utha kar andar le aao,

Husband: iss mein zaroor mere khanay ki koi cheez ho gi,

Wife: Haan mere "Sendals" hein iss mein...
Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin

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  programmers joke
Posted by: nameslot - 01-06-2010, 04:53 AM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.

The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."

The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."

The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations . I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

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  compilation of Funny Laws
Posted by: subie - 01-05-2010, 05:00 AM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (3)

• A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or "in a substantially nude state" except a babe in arms.
• Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
• An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of "uncertain chastity" had to be off the streets by 9 p.m.
• Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
• Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
• Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate.
• Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
• Hunting is not allowed on Sunday.
• Incestuous marriages are legal.
• It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

• It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
• It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
• It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone's pity.
• It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
• It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
• It is legal to drive the wrong way on a one way street if you have a lantern on the front of your car.
• It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.
• It's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."
• It's illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.
• Jasper: It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
• Lee County: It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
• Masks may not be worn in public
• Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
• Mobile: It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits. It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.
• Montgomery: It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses.
• No persons may sell "blow-out nuts".
• Peanuts are not allowed to be sold in Lee County, Alabama after sunset on Wednesdays.
• Pool halls may not be operated between 11:30 PM and 6 AM.
• Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
• Slavery is still legal in Decatur, Alabama.
• The game of crackaloo is illegal in Fairfield, Ala.
• Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
• Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
• You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
• You may not drive barefooted.
• You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
• You must have windshield wipers on your car.
• A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
• Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear and take a picture for photo opportunities.
• Fairbanks: It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
• In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting.
• It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
• Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
• Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
• State policy states that emergencies are held to a minimum and rarely found to exist.
• While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

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  Wife's Cat [Joke]
Posted by: funchit - 12-29-2009, 03:25 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (2)

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.

As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.

At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?". "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need

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  Lessons in Logic [Funny]
Posted by: funchit - 12-28-2009, 02:10 PM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

If your father is a poor man,

It is your fate but,

If your father-in-law is a poor man,

it's your stupidity.


I was born intelligent - Education ruined me.


Practice makes perfect.....

But nobody's perfect..... .

So why practice?


If it's true that we are here to help others,

Then what exactly are the others here for?


Since light travels faster than sound,

People appear bright until you hear them speak.


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?


Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.


One should love animals.

They are so tasty.


Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.


Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in Life.


The wise never marry.

And when they marry they become otherwise.


Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.


Never put off the work till tomorrow

What you can put off today.


"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep


There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning


"Hard work never killed anybody"

But why take the risk


"Work fascinates me"

I can look at it for hours


God made relatives;

Thank God we can choose our friends.


The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget

The more you forget, the less you know

So.. Why learn.


A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....

What more can I say........

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  The Wrong Number
Posted by: funchit - 12-22-2009, 02:53 PM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

Buldeep singh went to Colombo for official matter and called to his house over phone. Servant had taken the receiver.

Buldeep singh : Who is speaking?

Servant : Servant Sir.

Buldeep singh : Where is the Madam?

Servant: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.

Buldeep singh : What? I am her husband came to Colombo today.

Servant: What can I do now sir?

Buldeep singh : Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line. After some time ... there come 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...

Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?

Buldeep singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool

Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir

Buldeep singh : What...? No swimming pool?

Servant: Yes Sir

Buldeep singh : Sorry, wrong number!!!!!!!!

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