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  hello
Posted by: javed - 01-18-2013, 07:44 AM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

Hello everybidy

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  Black Humour
Posted by: funchit - 02-21-2012, 01:36 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (3)



[Image: 5k3vch.png]


If you have sex with your clone, are you gay or are you masturbating ?






The most powerful position is on your knees.
Sign outside of a baptist church







Guy: "Were you raised on a chicken farm?"

Girl: "No, why?"

Guy: "Cause you sure know how to raise some cock!"


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  Hilarious English Signs From Around The World
Posted by: funchit - 12-12-2011, 12:34 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

Hilarious English Signs From Around The World

[Image: funnysigns2.jpg]

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN,EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway
:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome
:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok
:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant
:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi
:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom
:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant
:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery
:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant
:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar
:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.



Hotel, Yugoslavia
:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

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  Hair Dryer and Priest (joke)
Posted by: funchit - 10-08-2011, 05:54 PM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

Hair Dryer and Priest (joke)

[Image: Hair-dryer-coloring-page.gif]

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest sitting beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course, child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me...under your robe, perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you... I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, the woman let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date...unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

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  Polite way (Joke)
Posted by: funchit - 09-10-2011, 12:00 PM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

Polite way

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcReF3n8tCpHrelL9fasvQ-...ecYe92b7hQ]

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: '

Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to... the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

The teacher was speechless and fainted

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  Funny Universal Laws
Posted by: funchit - 09-08-2011, 07:27 PM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

Funny Universal Laws

[Image: qmxel2.jpg]

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


6. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

7. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


8. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

9. Law of Bio-mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10. Law of the Theater or sports Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.


11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


13. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

17. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


18. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

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  Do you Think Girls are Genius? :p
Posted by: funchit - 08-16-2011, 06:39 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

Do you Think Girls are Genius?

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRUSucAVmJrnVJXpdREa5Y...7AXgVP1nA4]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention
that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!' The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to'. The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.'
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you. '
The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like to have a
mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them.

[b]Attention
female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
[/b]
feeling good!

Male
readers: Please scroll down.


































































The man had a heart attack ten times
'milder' than his wife!!!

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

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  Fact About Taj Mahal : Funny
Posted by: funchit - 06-26-2011, 10:18 AM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

Fact About Taj Mahal : Funny

We know Taj Mahal
as a symbol of love
But the other lesser
known facts.


1. Mumtaz was shahjahan’s 4th
wife, out of his 7 wives(great)

2. Shah Jahan killled mumtaz’s
husband to marry her (excellant)

3.Mumtaz died in her 14th
delivery(wow)

4. He then married Mumtaz’s
sister(amazing)


Where d hell is
LOVE ?…







Your Comments are most Welcome.

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  The Gym Scene
Posted by: funchit - 06-06-2011, 01:38 PM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

The Gym Scene


I'm at the gym the other day and I hear this from an older man,

not in the best physical condition, who asked the trainer:

"I want to impress that beautiful girl over there. Which machine should I use?"



[Image: gym-girl.jpg]

The trainer replied: "Use the ATM machine outside the gym."

Lol2

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  Sir, I would like a raise... :D
Posted by: funchit - 05-01-2011, 01:16 PM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

Sir, I would like a raise.



[Image: 329_happy_employee_showing_boss_a_sales_...report.png]




Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?


Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious
firm for over ten years.

Boss:
Yes.


Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.


Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.


Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.


Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee:
Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!



Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?



Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company
and the Mortgage Company!

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