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  ReaD & EnJoY [Jokes]
Posted by: funchit - 11-27-2009, 08:21 PM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his
examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
=======================================
Today a phone without wire is fashion. One day will come when human without brain will be a fashion. On that day, my friend, u will Rock..
====================================
bhikari-sahab ek rupiya de do. Sahab-tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte. Bhikari-abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
=====================================
Baithe tere khayalo mai,kore kagazpe likha tera nam.Tasvir B
bana dali
or likha us par
yah paigam.
Zinda ya murda,pakdne waleko
Rs.5000 inam
=====================================
"Laziness is our biggest enemy" -Jawaharlal Nehru.

"We should learn to love our enemies"- Mahathma Gandhi.

Which one to follow?... Great confusion.
====================================
"CELLO "
The pen of india.


"LUX"
The soap of india.


"Amul"
The taste of india.

"I"
The best in india.

"You"
Time waste of india...
========================================
Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
======================================
Rules for board exam:
har sawal se dat kar ladna,fekne me kami mat karna,mouka mila to peche be dekhna,or 1 bat yaad rakhna aagawala ka paper apna samajhna.
=======================================
What is the height of mixed emotions???
when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur mercedes!!!!
=======================================
As by xperience my advice 4u friends- have only one girl friend otherwise ur life will b very sad like me ,1side Aishwarya puling me 4 cinema other side Sania pulling me 4 Tennis and kareena keeps sending luv messages 2 me! Silly gals!Wat can i do? Hey Wait.I'm getting a call from katrina kaif….
=====================================
Whats
the height
of hope???....


A 99 year old lady going for airtel ka naya lifetime scheme...!!
========================================
Height of Optimism... Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies", SARDAR Major: "Excellent ! We can now attack in any direction" !.
========================================
Guy.-Do u know,wen i was a kid
so many girls wantd to kiss me,i allowed,but
now i want 2 kiss so many girls,but

they dont allow. SELFISH GIRLS (Its my Fav.....)
========================================
U r no of miles away 4m me.Still i'm watching ur evry movements by 3 diff channels
1.DISCOVERY
2.NATIONAL GEOGRAPHICAL 3.ANIMALPLANET

Thanks 2 media.
=======================================
A day will finaly Come when the whole world will celebrate ur personality,ur thoughts,ur ideas,ur talent,ur smartness
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
That day will be "APRIL 1st".
========================================
Excuse...me what is ur sms account no ? i want to check...some error is there...kyon ki sms jata to hai par aata nahi hai....
========================================
A Gorgeous Girl walks up 2 Profesor's cabin & says: I'll do anything 2 Pass d Exam.
Prof: Anything?
Girl: Ya
Prof: ??
Girl : Ya !!
Prof: Then Go & study...!!
=======================================
There is a small gap between confidence & over confidence.

YOU can kiss your frd is confidence.
ONLY YOU can kiss ur frd is over confidence....
=======================================
Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?
Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna.

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  Secret Coded Message[Funny]
Posted by: funchit - 11-27-2009, 03:21 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

George Bush

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama Bin Laden is still
alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own
hand writing to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it c ontained a single line of coded
message:


370H-SSV-0773H


Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleeza Rice. Condi and her
aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could
solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6 in London.
Eventually they asked the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help.

Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply:

'Tell the President he's holding the note upside down.

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  This theory will win the Nobel Prize in 2010! [Funny]
Posted by: funchit - 11-25-2009, 05:20 AM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

This theory will win the Economics Nobel Prize in 2010!

Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore, Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words, Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys


Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
Therefore, Women - spend = Donkeys In other words, Women that don't spend = Donkeys


To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude, Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

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  Ticket Checker & Girls
Posted by: funchit - 11-19-2009, 08:42 AM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

A TC in a train collects fine from girls...

he collects Rs.300 from a girl-
she was wearing sleeveless.




From 2nd girl he collects Rs. 200
she was wearing sleeveless & backless.






From 3rd girl he collects Rs. 100
she was wearing a sleeveless & backless & a skimpy mini-skirt.. .






From 4th girl he collects Rs. 0
why?

Scroll down !

:::

:::

:::

:::
:::

:::
:::

:::

Perverted dirty minds !! what r u thinking??

Scroll down !

:::

:::
:::

:::
:::

:::

:::
:::

:::


She had a ticket !!!

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  Think Before You Speak! (jOke)
Posted by: funchit - 11-17-2009, 06:33 AM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone – “Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?"

“No,” replied the trainee.

“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!"

The trainee shouts back, “And do YOU know whom YOU are talking to, you fool?!”

“No.” replied the CEO angrily.

“Good!” replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

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  35 Things NOT to Say to a Cop if You're Stopped
Posted by: funchit - 10-27-2009, 07:57 AM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

35 Things NOT to Say to a Cop if You're Stopped

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy-from the Village People band?

4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job.

5. I though you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

7. Bad cop, no donut.

8. You're not going to check the trunk are you?

9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.

12. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonalds?

13. I pay your salary.

14. So uh, you on the take or what?

15. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

16. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far ahead they are.

18. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" YOU'RE the trained specialist.

19. Well officer, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

20. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

21. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

22. No, YOU assume the position.

23. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts is having a 3 for 1 special!

24. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?

25. No, offi, offic, lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.

26. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110mph.

27. Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

28. But officer, I've got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different states! Pick ONE!

29. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!

30. On the way to the station, let's get a six pack, oh and don't forget the cigs.

31. Come on, write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

32. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?

33. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

34. So that's what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone mean?

35. What do you use those rubber gloves for anyway?

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  Importance of correct puntuation
Posted by: funchit - 10-16-2009, 01:34 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

Dear John

I want a man who know what love is all about.You are generous,kind,thoughtful.
People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.You have ruined me for other men.I yearn for you.I have no feelings whatsoever when we are apart.I can be forever happy-will you let me be yours???

Gloria




************************************************** *********


Dear John

I want a man who knows what love is.All you are generous,kind,thoughtful people who are not like you.Admit to being useless and inferior.you have ruined me.For other men ,I yearn.For you,I have no feelings whatsoever.We are apart ,I can be forever happy.Will you let me be?????

Yours,
Gloria

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  Chinese Detective [Funny]
Posted by: funchit - 10-07-2009, 02:22 PM - Forum: Jokes - Replies (1)

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man.
So, he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report
any activities while he was gone.


A few days later, he received this report:

Quote:MOST HONORABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE
I WATCH HOUSE
HE COME TO HOUSE.
I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE.
I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE.
SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE.
SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE.
SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
NO FEE,

CHEN LEE

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  ! First Class Manager !
Posted by: funchit - 10-05-2009, 06:31 AM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

! First Class Manager !

A First Class Manager (FCM) is going thru' a forest one evening when his car breaks down. He looks around and finds a lone house. He knocks the door which is opened by a stunning woman.


FCM: Can I spend the night at your place?

Woman: Well. I live alone.


FCM: I'm an honourable man, a FCM.

Woman: I got only one bed.


FCM: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a FCM.

Woman: I go to bed naked.


FCM: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a FCM.

Woman: Be my guest, FCM.


Next morning while leaving, FCM finds the woman busy with her poultry.

FCM: Good birds you got there.

Woman: Yeah.


FCM: How many cocks and how many hens?

Woman: Two hundred hens, one cock..


FCM: But I can see over a dozen cocks around.






























Woman: Only one cock over there. The others are first class managers.

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  If windows were to be in Punjabi .... fantastic
Posted by: funchit - 10-03-2009, 08:40 AM - Forum: Jokes - No Replies

If windows were to be in Punjabi, then you would be using the following commands on your computer:
Send = Sutto
Insert = Wich Paao
Attachement = Naal Laao
Edit = Sidda Karo
View = Waikhee Jaao
Forward = Aggay Sutto
Inbox = Undar Da Daak Khaana
Outbox = Baar Da Daak Khana
Trash = Mitti Paao
Sent Items = Bheji Gayee Dak
Address Book = Patay Wali Kaapy
Reply = Bejan Walay Nu Jawab do
Reply All = Saareyaan Nu Jawab do
Delete = Daffa Karo
Download = Thallay Laao
Download All = Saary Cheezan Noon Thallay Laao
Properties = Jaidaad
Connect = Naal Milaao
Fonts = Likhaai
Accounts = Galla
Drafts = Chitheeyaan
Find = Labbo
Paste = Thook Naal Chipkaao
From = Bhejan Walaa Banda
To = Door Betha Hoya Banda
Subject = Khaas Gall
Carbon Copy = Koelay Walee Naqal
Blind Carbon Copy = Anni Koelay Walee Naqal
Stationery = Pensal, Rubburd, Shaapnar
Folders = Bastey
High priority = Waddee Takleef

and finally

Ctrl+Alt+Delete = Sara Syapa Mukaao..

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